He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
