Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
