best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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