i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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