i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize