my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
