why didn't you poke me back
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
