Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
