I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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