mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
ugly people sure do ruin things
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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