areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
