You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
