Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
