i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
