Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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