you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
