dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
