But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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