Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
