Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
