The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
