I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just fell off a train. Bad.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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