Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
