I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
