he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
