If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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