Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
