i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize