If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
