she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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