Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
