After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize