No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He kissed a someone with a penis
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
