I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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