I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Are my feet made of real feet?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The air was thick with penises
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
