In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
