i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
