"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
