Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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