So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
