If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
