I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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