Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
