Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
