I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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