I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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