So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
