Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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