im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??