i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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