you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well