what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it