ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball