apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.