took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
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we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too