I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.