I met the friendliest cop last night
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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