Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
