I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
