haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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