Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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