im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
