She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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