The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I am one with the molecules
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize