Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
