I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
