I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
