And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
