Me. At least after what I've been through.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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