I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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