are you still at the devil's house?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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