I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
