Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
