All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
