drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
