the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
