Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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