and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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