once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
