dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
