can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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