I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
